[ The walk back to their apartment seemed much longer than usual. Mitsutada knows it's just because of his thoughts, of the apprehension that has been following him ever since the Demon King deemed him worthless - and yet, even that knowledge isn't enough to dispel those feelings. He had been good at calming himself before, why is it so hard now?
It's a rhetorical question, really. But the answer doesn't help at all.
Ookurikara would be able to hear him fumble with the doorknob before coming in. He's managed to keep his expression reasonably calm, offering his best friend a tired smile once he catches the other's eye. ]
Hey.
[ Good, he managed to pull it off while sounding only mildly under the weather. It's a bit unusual for Kuri to have made tea for him, instead of the other way round - but he appreciates that, so he takes a seat after draping his jacket across the back of a chair. ]
[ When he saw the way the other tachi fumbled the doorknob around on his way in, he could practically guess that something odd was happening to his best friend.
And his guess was right. Mitsutada's smile was a bit too forced for his own good. Something must have...
...Well, that's exactly why he asked him to meet him, after all. He waits for a moment, until his partner seems to be comfortable with his position first before he goes all blunt about it. ]
A lot. [ Ookurikara's lips part way for one good second, although he soon closes it back and averts his eyes aside as if he's unable to phrase everything that he wanted to say correctly.
After a moment, he does spurt his next sentence. Although he's still unable to move his eyes ro meet with Mitsutada's. ]
You know, back there...
[ ...
Once again, he can't bring himself to say it. It's... kinda feel weird for him to say that kind of words to someone that he's supposed to have the mutual understanding with a level that not even the saniwa could ever have with him. ]
[ A lot is honestly an understatement, he thinks. More than just 'a lot' had happened. He later learned that the spectre of the Demon King was just that - a spectre, and people had been haunted by others who were important to them. He knew that the Nobunaga who came to him was not real, or at least not permanent; because the demon king would not have stayed in Cerealia without making some form of dramatic entrance, and nothing like that had come. As for Ookurikara, he was possibly visited by someone important as well. Not Mitsutada, not Masamune - so the older tachi could guess.
And it only made him feel worse, because no one should have the most important person in their lives torn away just like that. ]
Mm.
[ He looks down now, so that Ookurikara won't feel obliged to meet his one-eyed gaze. ]
You don't have to say it.
[ Because he understands. After so many decades, he Understands, perhaps more than anyone else, how his friend dealt with things like these.
So the other need not say those kind of words, if he didn't want to. These things did not need words to be conveyed. ]
[ 'Don't have to say it'... If only it was that easy. It's pretty much unfair if Ookurikara is the only one leaving things unsaid, especially when it's painfully obvious that Mitsutada met a haunting spectre back there as well. Ookurikara has no exact guess about who that spectre might be, but it's very probable that it's someone as important as Hiromitsu to Ookurikara.
Should he ask him about that ?
Not until he tell him his part first, obviously. He grabs his glass of tea to take a small sip first before he finally brings his face to stare at Mitsutada. ]
I met Hiromitsu. My swordsmith. [ His mouth is just partially open, definitely indicating about how lost at words he is. ] My father.
[ That's one way of putting it, right.
And it's still kind of painful to remember what kind of words that the hallucination of the said father branded him as: An utter failure. Ookurikara is more or less not letting it out on his face anymore, fortunately. ]
It's just... [ A small pause before he is finally able to let it out: ] ...Sorry about before. Didn't mean to shoo you away like that.
[ As much as he had been half-expecting it, it still hurt to have that confirmed by his best friend. His eye widens for a moment before he looks down again, lips pressed tightly into a thin line. It wasn't fair, especially if Hiromitsu had said to Ookurikara what Nobunaga said to him - because he knew from the first days they spent together that his friend was nothing close to worthless. Ookurikara didn't deserve this.
If anything, it was Mitsutada who would have deserved it. For not fulfiling his duty, letting himself grow soft away from the Demon King's presence.
Chasing after worthless ideals, worthless whims. For those without worth, the only fate will be death. A worthless piece of dead steel, a worthless soul.
He never talked about those times, the decades spent in Nobunaga's service. Because it was hell - not in the literal sense, but the metaphorical sense, because no one who serves the Demon King walks away untainted by his darkness.
Those who are worthless will be swept away and crushed by the tides of change.
He wasn't branded like Souza was, but Nobunaga did not need a physical mark to claim him.
What is it that you desire?
He doesn't think he knows enough to answer that just yet. ]
It's okay.
[ That's all he says about this, because he knows that Ookurikara will know his feelings about this. As much as his best friend's words had stung, they were nothing compared to what he felt upon realizing the full scope of the situation.
(He didn't deserve this.)
And now that the other had told him what he saw, he thinks it only appropriate that he tell his as well. ]
For me... I saw Nobunaga. The Demon King.
[ Looking up, he meets Ookurikara's gaze briefly before looking to the side. There didn't seem to be anything else that needed to be said. ]
[ Ookurikara was glad to see Mitsutada's quick response about him - or at least he was supposed to, because he lost his cool facade a bit when he heard the infamous warlord's name mentioned. Ookurikara was not as savvy about Nobunaga as his friend was, granted... But he was not that ignorant to be oblivious about Nobunaga's possible involvement with Mitsutada. He was 'born' years before he was, after all.
No, he definitely assumed something was up between Mitsutada and Nobunaga.
Everything was probably only a wild guess from his end, but even so, mentioning anything regarding about their pasts had became something that they (or at least, he) tried to avoid to mention. He knew Mitsutada had a rocky past; He never asked about them. He never wanted to ask about them. He would never ask about them.
Because Mitsutada knew his, and had never asked for them as well. So why should he even try to ask in return?
After all, he was his most trusted friend-- No, his brother, who went through the hotness of fire and the coldness of ice together. Betraying him would only mean betraying everything about himself. Their bonds are not going to be severed by something like this. ]
I'm all ears if you want to tell me. [ Meeting the other's face -who's currently trying to evade the subject-, Ookurikara lets out an exasperated huff. He understands what is need to be done here. ] But... Bah. Let's just drop this bullshit now. We've got our points across already.
[ He's not the best conversation starter, definitely. Still, every other possible topics are simply better to than dwelling about their shitty hallucinations. As he leans back on the chair, Ookurikara crosses his arms behind his head, relaxing. Talking about this thing is probably the best for now. ]
That thing aside, this place was being so nice to present me with something to kill my time. I sure got to beat a lot of those ugly things there.
[ To say that something was up would be a massive understatement. Mitsutada kept that part of his past hidden for very good reasons - because it was not a good past at all. He had been a completely different person in service to the Oda clan; his first memories being the Battle of Okezahama - where he was used to slay countless men and capture Souza in the process. Those were his darkest days, an endless cycle of killing and subjugation, all under the Demon King's orders. And yet, they were also his first days. The pursuit of perfection, of making himself useful - those were both things that Nobunaga demanded of him, and he has never stopped striving since.
The other Odagumi swords never talked about it, which he will be eventually grateful for. No one needs to know.
When Ookurikara relaxes, he does so as well - because as different as they are on the outside, the two of them are still in sync to some extent. That sort of mutual understanding that allowed them to read each other so easily didn't need words to be conveyed.
So he just leans back in his seat as well, assuming a more comfortable position. ]
Yeah. It's like what them humans say, look for the silver lining...? Or something. [ He gestures vaguely with one hand. ] We'll be more prepared next time.
[ He has half a mind to compare killcounts, but then he realizes that his own is pretty vague as well. ]
Seems like we won't just be fighting monsters, though. There're those tin cans around too. We might have to battle them is they go crazy.
[ Meaning the robots. But the way he says it is more of an objective way, like how he gauges a potential duel opponent. If they could find a weakness, then those robots would fall like dominoes. ]
[ Now that the atmosphere is turning into something that he prefers, Ookurikara can put his full attention at listening to his friend's suggestion while thinking on his own at the same time. He'd never say this (and there was no need to say it to Mitsutada out of all people as well since he could probably tell it already), but Ookurikara has never been quite good at dealing mental conflicts like that.
So he's eternally grateful for something like this. Which is why Ookurikara's doing something very surprising even for himself: He's chuckling. Heartily, even. ]
Ha. After those blasphemies, I doubt anything would be able to faze me. [ His small laughter sort of fade into nothingness, but his grin is still intact as his eyes dart to the other tachi. ] You and me both, definitely.
[ That short, confident answer is probably enough for Mitsutada to indicate about how much trust and expectation Ookurikara put on him. True, as far as he has experienced, Mitsutada has always been his equal, if not a little superior than him. What Ookurikara could do, Mitsutada could do better. A little, perhaps. But no hard feelings whatsoever for Ookurikara. He's totally fine with having him performing better than him.
So that he has something to surpass. Something to strive higher than. ]
[ One second later, however, his grin seems to go away in an instant. Instead, his face is filled with something... downcast. Not quite a grim one, but Ookurikara's face is certainly brimming with doubt.
Which is a doubt for his entire method of dealing with life. ]
But you know... [ The arms behind his head move, and he is now crossing him around in front of his chest. ] ...Even I could hardly fight them alone.
[ His mind quickly flashes the image of what happened back there. He had the upper hands against those monsters once, but he was eventually pushed to the corner. If not for Mutsu, Vietnam, and a lot of people that were there to help him, he would have already be deader than dead right there. That was the moment Ookurikara noticed the lines in the most painful way possible; the very line of his capabilities. Being a loner could only brought him that far.
This place is not the Citadel. He needs to adapt. To survive in this place, he needs to know better than that. He needs to change.
He wants to change.]
I... kinda ended up being a burden to them there.
[ --But again, he was never an outgoing individual, and admitting this kind of thing was VERY hard for him.
Right. Just see his face now. He's already turning a bit red on his cheek. He totally looks like he's totally lost on what he should do to express his gratitude for those people and Mitsutada, apparently, has become his single ray of hope to ask for life tips for dealing with this kind of thing. Just like the usual. ]
[ Seeing his best friend at ease helped to make him feel less tense, so it comes as a surprise to him when Ookurikara's face falls. He had expected the other to just leave it at that and start talking about something else, but it seems that this discussion isn't over just yet. His expression flickers with surprise for just a moment, before changing into one of concern - because anything that causes that sort of reaction in his friend is something very important. But as he continues listening, full attention focused on the other, that concern starts changing to understanding, and then a fond smile perhaps tinged with pride. These are definitely things he doesn't expect Ookurikara to be saying, but it isn't in a bad way. In fact, it is a good thing.
He had understood the reason his best friend chose to distance himself from others, and could read the other well - but his social ability only went that far, especially since he, too, is a newly sentient being. Throughout their time together, he had always been able to try and help the other somewhat with his issues, but he just wasn't tactful enough to trust his own judgment completely. Just little pushes here and there, staying with Ookurikara when others had given up and left, ultimately things that might have only been temporary measures. There is still something weighing on his best friend's heart, and he knows what it is - but he had always been powerless to change it, all along. Because he can't, and won't want to force the other to change his mindset just like that. It was too complicated and too delicate an issue for him to handle.
To hear these sorts of things from Ookurikara, the admission of faults that his attitude brought, but not in a completely negative way - to call it a relief would be an understatement. Mitsutada is happy for the other, maybe even a little proud. So he's just smiling now, trying to find something suitable to say. A lot of it is still raw emotion, relief blended with hopefulness, as well as a running undertone of concern that he always had for his best friend. ]
It'll get better.
[ In any other situation, this might sound like empty words, but Ookurikara would be able to tell that he really means it. ]
And... you know who they are, right? We can go see them if you want. In the future, you'll be able to do the same for them too.
[ Repay the favour, he means. He's still a little unsure on what exact words he should use, her the general sentiment is there. ]
[ Ookurikara was not jealous. He was never one to be jealous type at all. Or that's what he would like to keep on telling himself. In all honesty and all its glory, however, he's always constantly a bit jealous of Mitsutada's, and the other swords', capabilities of bonding and blending with each other. Not that he actually hated being aloof and introvert on the corner of the Citadel by himself, but at times, it felt rather stagnant and perhaps even boring, even for Ookurikara's standard. He only had himself to blame for not approaching them when he had the chance, of course.
Still, a decision has been made. He wants to change, to adapt to this place. Which means that he needs to swallow most of his own mindset with grain of salt. Hard, but totally necessary,indeed.
Face still filled with crimson shades of embarrassment and awkwardness, he taps his fingers against the table, eyes sharpshooting straight to the side. ]
I... don't know about that, really. It feels rather weird to just go to them like that. [ A hand goes through his hair, scratching them in a good mixture of discomposure and unsureness. ] You know fully well what I mean.
[ Mitsutada would probably understand his intention without needing him to explain the entire fiasco, or at least Ookurikara hoped so. In fact, it's not an understatement here that he's really, really grateful for having one of the best listener with him, but he's still hardly able to let out what he actually wanted to say. Old habit and behavior could hardly die, after all. ]
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It's a rhetorical question, really. But the answer doesn't help at all.
Ookurikara would be able to hear him fumble with the doorknob before coming in. He's managed to keep his expression reasonably calm, offering his best friend a tired smile once he catches the other's eye. ]
Hey.
[ Good, he managed to pull it off while sounding only mildly under the weather. It's a bit unusual for Kuri to have made tea for him, instead of the other way round - but he appreciates that, so he takes a seat after draping his jacket across the back of a chair. ]
What's up?
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And his guess was right. Mitsutada's smile was a bit too forced for his own good. Something must have...
...Well, that's exactly why he asked him to meet him, after all. He waits for a moment, until his partner seems to be comfortable with his position first before he goes all blunt about it. ]
A lot. [ Ookurikara's lips part way for one good second, although he soon closes it back and averts his eyes aside as if he's unable to phrase everything that he wanted to say correctly.
After a moment, he does spurt his next sentence. Although he's still unable to move his eyes ro meet with Mitsutada's. ]
You know, back there...
[ ...
Once again, he can't bring himself to say it. It's... kinda feel weird for him to say that kind of words to someone that he's supposed to have the mutual understanding with a level that not even the saniwa could ever have with him. ]
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And it only made him feel worse, because no one should have the most important person in their lives torn away just like that. ]
Mm.
[ He looks down now, so that Ookurikara won't feel obliged to meet his one-eyed gaze. ]
You don't have to say it.
[ Because he understands. After so many decades, he Understands, perhaps more than anyone else, how his friend dealt with things like these.
So the other need not say those kind of words, if he didn't want to. These things did not need words to be conveyed. ]
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Should he ask him about that ?
Not until he tell him his part first, obviously. He grabs his glass of tea to take a small sip first before he finally brings his face to stare at Mitsutada. ]
I met Hiromitsu. My swordsmith. [ His mouth is just partially open, definitely indicating about how lost at words he is. ] My father.
[ That's one way of putting it, right.
And it's still kind of painful to remember what kind of words that the hallucination of the said father branded him as: An utter failure. Ookurikara is more or less not letting it out on his face anymore, fortunately. ]
It's just... [ A small pause before he is finally able to let it out: ] ...Sorry about before. Didn't mean to shoo you away like that.
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If anything, it was Mitsutada who would have deserved it. For not fulfiling his duty, letting himself grow soft away from the Demon King's presence.
Chasing after worthless ideals, worthless whims. For those without worth, the only fate will be death. A worthless piece of dead steel, a worthless soul.
He never talked about those times, the decades spent in Nobunaga's service. Because it was hell - not in the literal sense, but the metaphorical sense, because no one who serves the Demon King walks away untainted by his darkness.
Those who are worthless will be swept away and crushed by the tides of change.
He wasn't branded like Souza was, but Nobunaga did not need a physical mark to claim him.
What is it that you desire?
He doesn't think he knows enough to answer that just yet. ]
It's okay.
[ That's all he says about this, because he knows that Ookurikara will know his feelings about this. As much as his best friend's words had stung, they were nothing compared to what he felt upon realizing the full scope of the situation.
(He didn't deserve this.)
And now that the other had told him what he saw, he thinks it only appropriate that he tell his as well. ]
For me... I saw Nobunaga. The Demon King.
[ Looking up, he meets Ookurikara's gaze briefly before looking to the side. There didn't seem to be anything else that needed to be said. ]
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No, he definitely assumed something was up between Mitsutada and Nobunaga.
Everything was probably only a wild guess from his end, but even so, mentioning anything regarding about their pasts had became something that they (or at least, he) tried to avoid to mention. He knew Mitsutada had a rocky past; He never asked about them. He never wanted to ask about them. He would never ask about them.
Because Mitsutada knew his, and had never asked for them as well. So why should he even try to ask in return?
After all, he was his most trusted friend-- No, his brother, who went through the hotness of fire and the coldness of ice together. Betraying him would only mean betraying everything about himself. Their bonds are not going to be severed by something like this. ]
I'm all ears if you want to tell me. [ Meeting the other's face -who's currently trying to evade the subject-, Ookurikara lets out an exasperated huff. He understands what is need to be done here. ] But... Bah. Let's just drop this bullshit now. We've got our points across already.
[ He's not the best conversation starter, definitely. Still, every other possible topics are simply better to than dwelling about their shitty hallucinations. As he leans back on the chair, Ookurikara crosses his arms behind his head, relaxing. Talking about this thing is probably the best for now. ]
That thing aside, this place was being so nice to present me with something to kill my time. I sure got to beat a lot of those ugly things there.
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The other Odagumi swords never talked about it, which he will be eventually grateful for. No one needs to know.
When Ookurikara relaxes, he does so as well - because as different as they are on the outside, the two of them are still in sync to some extent. That sort of mutual understanding that allowed them to read each other so easily didn't need words to be conveyed.
So he just leans back in his seat as well, assuming a more comfortable position. ]
Yeah. It's like what them humans say, look for the silver lining...? Or something. [ He gestures vaguely with one hand. ] We'll be more prepared next time.
[ He has half a mind to compare killcounts, but then he realizes that his own is pretty vague as well. ]
Seems like we won't just be fighting monsters, though. There're those tin cans around too. We might have to battle them is they go crazy.
[ Meaning the robots. But the way he says it is more of an objective way, like how he gauges a potential duel opponent. If they could find a weakness, then those robots would fall like dominoes. ]
1/2
So he's eternally grateful for something like this. Which is why Ookurikara's doing something very surprising even for himself: He's chuckling. Heartily, even. ]
Ha. After those blasphemies, I doubt anything would be able to faze me. [ His small laughter sort of fade into nothingness, but his grin is still intact as his eyes dart to the other tachi. ] You and me both, definitely.
[ That short, confident answer is probably enough for Mitsutada to indicate about how much trust and expectation Ookurikara put on him. True, as far as he has experienced, Mitsutada has always been his equal, if not a little superior than him. What Ookurikara could do, Mitsutada could do better. A little, perhaps. But no hard feelings whatsoever for Ookurikara. He's totally fine with having him performing better than him.
So that he has something to surpass. Something to strive higher than. ]
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Which is a doubt for his entire method of dealing with life. ]
But you know... [ The arms behind his head move, and he is now crossing him around in front of his chest. ] ...Even I could hardly fight them alone.
[ His mind quickly flashes the image of what happened back there. He had the upper hands against those monsters once, but he was eventually pushed to the corner. If not for Mutsu, Vietnam, and a lot of people that were there to help him, he would have already be deader than dead right there. That was the moment Ookurikara noticed the lines in the most painful way possible; the very line of his capabilities. Being a loner could only brought him that far.
This place is not the Citadel. He needs to adapt. To survive in this place, he needs to know better than that. He needs to change.
He wants to change. ]
I... kinda ended up being a burden to them there.
[ --But again, he was never an outgoing individual, and admitting this kind of thing was VERY hard for him.
Right. Just see his face now. He's already turning a bit red on his cheek. He totally looks like he's totally lost on what he should do to express his gratitude for those people and Mitsutada, apparently, has become his single ray of hope to ask for life tips for dealing with this kind of thing. Just like the usual. ]
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He had understood the reason his best friend chose to distance himself from others, and could read the other well - but his social ability only went that far, especially since he, too, is a newly sentient being. Throughout their time together, he had always been able to try and help the other somewhat with his issues, but he just wasn't tactful enough to trust his own judgment completely. Just little pushes here and there, staying with Ookurikara when others had given up and left, ultimately things that might have only been temporary measures. There is still something weighing on his best friend's heart, and he knows what it is - but he had always been powerless to change it, all along. Because he can't, and won't want to force the other to change his mindset just like that. It was too complicated and too delicate an issue for him to handle.
To hear these sorts of things from Ookurikara, the admission of faults that his attitude brought, but not in a completely negative way - to call it a relief would be an understatement. Mitsutada is happy for the other, maybe even a little proud. So he's just smiling now, trying to find something suitable to say. A lot of it is still raw emotion, relief blended with hopefulness, as well as a running undertone of concern that he always had for his best friend. ]
It'll get better.
[ In any other situation, this might sound like empty words, but Ookurikara would be able to tell that he really means it. ]
And... you know who they are, right? We can go see them if you want. In the future, you'll be able to do the same for them too.
[ Repay the favour, he means. He's still a little unsure on what exact words he should use, her the general sentiment is there. ]
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Still, a decision has been made. He wants to change, to adapt to this place. Which means that he needs to swallow most of his own mindset with grain of salt. Hard, but totally necessary,indeed.
Face still filled with crimson shades of embarrassment and awkwardness, he taps his fingers against the table, eyes sharpshooting straight to the side. ]
I... don't know about that, really. It feels rather weird to just go to them like that. [ A hand goes through his hair, scratching them in a good mixture of discomposure and unsureness. ] You know fully well what I mean.
[ Mitsutada would probably understand his intention without needing him to explain the entire fiasco, or at least Ookurikara hoped so. In fact, it's not an understatement here that he's really, really grateful for having one of the best listener with him, but he's still hardly able to let out what he actually wanted to say. Old habit and behavior could hardly die, after all. ]